The Unearthing of Woman

There is something about the way light dances on water that captures my attention—commands it, holds it. It is like the glittering stars in the night sky—it opens the universe to us. It reminds us of how tiny we are in the vastness of space, yet it feels good to know that we aren’t alone down here.

The last few years saw me knee-deep in mud, fast sinking and eventually in some kind of dark space. I’d been through a series of experiences where I nearly lost myself, but I knew I needed to protect a part of myself. There were seeds that I carried in a small box with me, through those dark times; seeds of things I wanted to keep safe and grow if I ever got the chance to live again.

One of those seeds was thoughts of a daughter. I’d dreamed of her since my 20’s. I can recall those dreams vividly; she was always curious, light and strangely intelligent. Over the years, it was the same child appearing. She was patient with me as if I was the child. It was like she was trying to teach me something, but I just couldn’t see it yet.

This led me down a path of thinking about Terraforming, the act of transforming a planet to make it habitable for human life. Swept up in some great tidal force, I needed to be free. In my mind, the words terraform me, became some kind of plea or prayer; Terraform me, terraform me, terraform me.

It struck me that there was no more time to be afraid. Hold me back, for what?

The process felt a little like me becoming a mother. My body became this alien landscape, bordering on hostile for both my daughter and me. Somehow, we both made it through together, and any fears I’d had of losing myself in the process were thrown away when we met. My creativity wasn’t gone, I wasn’t lost. She unearthed something in me; her bright, shimmering light was the skeleton key that unlocked the door I was hiding behind. Her presence in my life initiated a spark in me that said, “Why not?” Why not learn new things? Why not search deeper and wider? She was eerily like the child in my dreams.

And so, the tether to the shadows released. I pulled out that box and planted the seeds.

Building layers of earth, I watched the atmosphere change and clear before my eyes: Using the ashes of past trauma, ploughing the surface of what was, to reshape what will be. Planting seeds of all the good things in the ashes and letting new life grow. I tended the garden, the forests, oceans; and in turn, those renewed the atmosphere. Without erasing the memory of the past, I used those experiences like a compass to point me in the way to go.

I looked at the Earth’s physical makeup and ended up down a rabbit hole studying physics, astronomy, black holes, the universe – things much bigger than me. I let myself swim in a deep, silken ocean of purple with a front row seat to the universe, and as I reached out, I was swimming amongst cosmic dust clouds and stars.

The works oscillate between the micro and macro structures of the universe – depicting atoms and photons, to a gathering of constellations and nebulae. Some works step so far inwards, to the beginning of life in the womb.

The rippling lines offer reverberations through time, space, and water. They are inertia from my body, moving and building as I terraform. They are diagrams of physics, marks of topography with latitudinal and longitudinal lines - a mapping of the body and mind. I have always wondered what it would feel like to leave my body for a day and float among the universe.

And so, here I find myself at some kind of ancient gate, the gravitational pull accelerating me into new territory.

A finite body reaching for the infinite.

A mother become.

A woman unearthed.